So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
