Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
