Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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