Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
