oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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