My first STD was from a foam party
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
