I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
