Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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