I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
