Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
