I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
