Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
