I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
