im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
