well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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