What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
