Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
