And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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