see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
