Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
