Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
