somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
