Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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