I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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