I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
