just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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