I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
