My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
