i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
