She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
