I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
