Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
