I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
