Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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