I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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