garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
