I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
