Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then the night went full on bisexual.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
