please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
