He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
