naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
