Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
