so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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