Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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