Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
