He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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