I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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