dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
