im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
