I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
