I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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