Can Purell be used as lube?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
