Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
