I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
