if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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