don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
