I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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